It is not my usual steelo to post about myself, but there are just some messages of inspiration and forward processing and thinking that need some context and space for details.
My dating life has been one of many options, but most don't make it past our first meeting. And here's a few reasons why:
- No genuine attraction (mental, physical, etc.)
- Good conversation but no 'spark'
- Ambition but no action
- Inconsistency or flakiness (the only flake I like is a snowflake or puff pastry...)
One thing that I do acknowledge and am aware of however, is how privilege manifests within romantic relationships. Privilege has its way of dividing groups of people, of preventing discussion and of fostering resentment or unawareness and misuse of power. Add love to that and let's see what happens...
I come from humble beginnings. One family house, single parent home with the support of grandparents and close family members. In high school, I don't even have any memory about wanting to have a car, much less having the means to purchase one. My mother worked hard at the United States Postal Service (love the USPS) and found herself struggling to help me through college. I say all this to say that a tangible goal in my life has always been to make enough money to have decent savings and be flexible and able to travel on occasion.
I've realized lately, however, that these facts play a part in my journey in knowing others in a romantic capacity. And because I know that a person's upbringing directly affects their perspective on the world, I've found myself making assumptions about those whom I've gotten to know, who come from another world - a world where parents can pay for things, where children can afford to fail at entrepreneurial pursuits, one where you can excitedly welcome your potential partner home to your large, spacious house.
And because I am closer to the life I'd like to live (financially), it may be assumed that I also come from this place. A result, the misconceptions about where I come from, initially leave the conversation open to negative comments that normally wouldn't be shared.
Another reason they don't make it past the first date
- Clear disregard, false assumptions and lack of respect for the working class, demonstrated by lack of respect to servers at restaurants, or ostentatious flashing of money. Like Shania says, "That don't impress me much..."
This presents a conflict for obvious reasons. I would never welcome someone home to meet my family if they will see them as less, as lower than them...And in another thought, am I contributing to this by showing up as who I am and not where I come from?
As time continues on, I find that I attract second or third generation college graduates, most of whom have the means and the time to pursue what their hearts desire. Like attracts like, right? Our interests, past experiences with travel and knowledge are well matched, despite the disconnect in life experience.
I've had a few conversations with friends who have had similar struggles, even read a great article about it and perhaps it is our own apprehensions about truly releasing our resentment about what we did not have that holds us back. So instead, embracing the opportunity to lay pride aside and allow ourselves to feel deserving of a person who can see beyond our beginnings can be an internal step. The next, allowing our resentment to fall away and seeing their story too, knowing that perspective can change the more a relationship grows.
Would love to hear your thoughts, reactions and experiences. I welcome you to share...
~Hasta Pronto