Closer...? Maybe...

A presence missed, remiss to say that missing one, some one, some thing is making meaning, misty.

Eyes that are clouded with only seeing their focus instead of reflecting the colors that the sun is helping to reveal.

What to do, what to do?

When this feeling overwhelms even the simplest thoughts....take time out to process. Preoccupy yourself with the doubts, fears, hopes and dreams until your mind has run a marathon and seeks endurance rather than burnout.

Let your processing follow what reality has handed you. What you can see and what is real IS what you get. Do not waste time typifying what you'd LIKE things to be like because if they do not exist in this world? right now? then you are indeed, enveloped in fantasy.

Fantasy breeds disappointment, so do yourself a favor and make an appointment with yourself. The Divine. and then others. Give yourself time to reflect on the lessons that have occured and fed into your current feeling and then let your mind release its burden by turning to the One who can comfort, guide and subside uncertain feelings. It is only then that you can reengage with the world.

If you do so too early, the fun you will have will be half-spent, the joy you will feel will be laced with numbness to keep from tearing, and the love that you indeed long to share will be halted by fear. Don't do that.

That's going to be the phrase of the year.... "Don't Do That." One I have adapted from a good friend and well-respected colleague.

Jumping to conclusions - Don't Do That.

Making assumptions without facts - Don't Do That.

Investing in people who are not investing in you - Don't Do That.

Giving too much of yourself without taking care of yourself as well - Don't Do That.

Giving up hope - Don't Do That.

Remembering The Time...

Sedentary lifestyle. Still lazy when I want to be though. I've learned how to now fight the cozy blues and jump into my suit of fleece in order to greet the day, to greet the sun.

I walk.

I run.

Lather, sweat, rinse and repeat.

Until I make it 5K.

The most daunting moment is not the rousing from my dreams, it is the rising from the sheets that angers me most. Stalking from my room, cursing the absence of morning sun - still creeping across the horizon from the West. Still waiting for my mind to wake up and notice that my body has indeed set in motion.

Zombie.

Time to start the music..."Play it again, Sam!" But remix it with a techno beat this time man, we're not romancing the stone we're pounding the pavement!

Stretch Heartstrong.

Allowing more time for my mind to catch up, I continue moving, or else risk a nap on the carpet and a late to work petitioner phone call.

My app guides me along the way, directing my beginnings and ends, starts and stops, runs and jogs and coolings down, even records my completed workouts - date included.

Impressive.

But most of all, I mentally and passively record them too. I push past the tiredness I feel knowing that I long for the vibration/voice prompt to tell me it is okay to walk now.

Breathe.

Still pushing through each, the now 90 second sprints blurred together with 120 second walks. As the intervals progress and I find myself witnessing the lighting up of the sky - I am rising with the sun.

Pace.

Today I was prepared to run my last cycle before cooldown, the vibration prompted me to run - I ran. Ran until I was sure that the vibration would come soon, telling me to slow my pace, to walk to rest. But it didn't. I kept running. Running until hesitantly peeking at my screen, only to find that I was indeed running on cooldown time.

I slowed down, smiled and commended silently my inside voice. The voice that said "keep going" "you can do this" "almost there"

Motivation, it was nice meeting you today. "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

~Hasta Pronto.

JustKiddingJustKiddingJustKidding

Wrapped. Decorated. Strategically Placed. Anticipated. Hoped For.

Since when did "all of the above" turn into:

Loss. Disappointment. Terrible. Empty. Cold. Irresponsible.

The when began where dreams grew confirmation instead of reality.

When lies became more important than truth and integrity.
When the pressure to belong became more important than consistency and truth.

Now the power lies within the one with truth, integrity, consistency and truth. This warrior presses forward as the wind pushes away clouds of gray and replaces them with blue skies and an abundance of light.

When the war developed into an ocean, limitless and home to so much more than what the waves can show.

Use the power within warrior, to continue temperance in the face of iniquity. To turn the situation of detriment into one that solidifies your admirable qualities immeasurably.

Listen.

Time only becomes important when we panic and realize how much we have wasted. Instead, it should be as dear to us as blinking. Usage of this reflex is necessary to lubricate the very pieces of our existence that give us sight. With each as it passes, there is a measure of seconds that continue to tick away along with our usefulness of the rest of us that we use to interact with all that our eyes afford us to see.

There may be times where the very mold that you strive to uphold as strong and impenetrable becomes a prison instead of a protection. Do not be afraid to break and permit your vulnerable self to be shown. Use this newly discovered exposure to allow the Almighty to work on you. No one has ever performed heart surgery on a closed chest.

Open to yourself, to someone you trust, to someone you can and cannot see. Be healed, be more of you, and be ready for all of the beautiful light and warmth that is waiting to greet you. Running.

~Hasta Pronto

Sueños

Last night I dreamed him away. The thoughts lifted off of my unconscious and above my head and into the sky...

He felt me. I am sure that the sentiment is mutual, the longing the waiting, the I'm not so sure why I'm sure but I'm sure - feeling. I understand you too.

I dreamed him away from fantasy and into reality. From what I thought to what I think. From what I knew to what I know and from distance to locality. He'll be local. Near. More than what I've dreamed but all of what I see. My future.

Listening for a response I still hear silence. His distance - fear. Mine - weakness. There is a week less of time that we've spoken but seldom a week less of thoughts to remember - to look forward to - to continue dreaming into existence the very feelings that have always been. Love.

Admiration felt without clinging. The space to be without the dampness of others breathing down our necks. The space to free love and begin in mutual healing. I see this so clear even on the cloudy days.

Links to learning more have vanished and introspection has taken the cake. Meaning more for any relationship had or to have and hold. And is my favorite word because it links the ephemeral and lasting to make it memory and reality. Yes.

This is love as I've seen it, saw it, and dreamed it into reality from sueños.

~Hasta pronto.

Don't Talk...Just Listen

More than just the lyrics of a song, more than what we need on a regular basis. It is also more than tough to carry out. Each day as we pass through life we wander through checking off lists and affirming requirements and duties. No blame on those who use this as fuel to keep moving forward, to keep the mind clear of useless clutter.

Take time though, to stop and listen. Drive with windows down, walk with earbuds out, eat without the accompaniment of sound.

It may be that you hear the birds chirp a greeting of good morning through your moonroof, or that you feel the complete breeze as it cools you and hear the rustle of the leaves on the trees. You may even hear your thoughts grow quieter because they are no longer being restlessly silenced by an inward flow of distraction.

Hearing yourself is a gateway into knowing who you are. It takes that first step to listen to find direction, peace and meaning.

When we are clear about our thoughts, no matter how inspiring, daunting or hurtful they may seem...use that information to inform your decisions, fuel your passions and defeat the illusions that have shaped your fears and reclaim them as strengths.

~Hasta Pronto.

If you ask me...

I'm ready.

My destination has nothing and everything to do with you. Nothing because I choose. Everything because you choose too. Stars will align when they will. The want is enveloped within them.

Outer image has become fluid and character virtuous. Striving for deep reflection we look within ourselves, at times, pulling the energy of others all the while remaining internal. Growth becomes inevitable within new soil and the sun a necessity to prosper.

Blooms are most beautiful just before they open to the world. It is the delicate color that is shown responding to sun. The yearning towards the sky, towards the warmth that covers all sides, that invites the bud to stretch. I see it as clear as I did years past. One open bloom, ready to be chosen, another, just ready to bloom but not willing. A match in soil, nutrients, needs and environment requirements. Both feeling a genuine need for sol...

One cannot rush a bloom. Rain does come. Watering makes for rich soil. Feeding comes from within and from the Sun.

~Hasta Pronto.

♫ "And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight and closed in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom. This is the element of freedom" ~Alicia Keys

Cinder-Ella, Ella, Ella, Eh Eh Eh...

A damsel in distress she was. In her dress she was his princess. She was granted her dreams in bibbity-boppity-boo!

However, reality does not lend this as easily as animation projects. Everyone always depended on her umberella ella ella, but then proceeded to steal it instead. Her life was full of optimism and triumph and equanimity through all things. The story of a fictitious character somehow inspiring youngsters to hope for the same.

This hope is not false, but making truth from fairy tales is taking away from your experience. Living in the moment and appreciating the story that leads to your truth and destiny gives you ownership rather than control. It is not your story to tell or dictate, but you must instead be a willing character in the story of your life written by the ultimate Author.

So next time you once upon a time, make sure you listen instead of writing it how you want it to be, since the Final version may have an alternate and unexpected ending. Enjoy your story as it unfolds.



~Hasta Pronto.