There's an app for that! ...Right?

Shining brightly, the circle in the sky warms my cold feet. Too cold, too cold, is what those in black and old gold say, but this cold is repairable only by waiting. Watching nature watch me leaves me mesmerized and wanting more. Flying by the fall hued backdrop of travel, grumbling through back streets and alleyways - my mind is lost in mismatched thought.

Coming and going are the same at times, looking forward to the brick wall presented in front of me. Do I climb it, bust through it, build a house next to it, coat it with beautifully painted remnants of love, turn my back to it and walk away, walk along the wall until it ends and I forget where I am going, use it as endless paper and write my innermost desires and wishes, hopes and fears? Pretend it is not there?

At times healing means erasing, but most times it involves suppression. The enveloping and storage of delicate memories, feelings, experiences can make profound difference within and indifference without. Joining the inner with the outer while valuing the balance and importance of both is taxing on the body and the mind. The heart however, as delicate and strong as we make it, can at times: have all control - provide limitations - give jurisdiction - provide insight - and reveal what was thought to be hidden or forgotten.

Maybe healing isn't an option...maybe all that exists or is absent from us regarding love and our capacity or inability to do so makes us who we are. We shouldn't resolve to missing out on the joy of life, the joy of connections that run deeper than deep and are closer than close, the joy of love that is both genuine and true, the joy of loss and heartbreak that brings solace in knowing that you cannot control anything or anyone but yourself...

There is no 'app' for that, no app for life, for love, for healing, for direction, for change, for growth. We must APPly ourselves instead to reflection and be active in what happens to us, in order to improve our connections and interactions with the world and people around us in a positive way.

Doin....doin....

Stretching past your limits makes you stronger. Only when done with caution... Injuries are not welcome here.

Thinking past the vibes of life have brought me peace with my current existence. Aiming to breathe in and connect with each fleeting passage of CO2 bringing in the "O" giving to my blood, release and energy.

I tried to think in the dark once, however, my thoughts escaped because I did not record them. It is a wonderful experience to replay your thoughts aloud when no one is listening and when you are in the absence of light, enveloped in darkness. Feeling, experiencing, pushing through, keeping your aim as experience rather than end result will engage you in a trust. Breaking limits that could have otherwise been beyond your reach.

Awareness. Education. Growth.

Living in the moment, learning from your past mistakes and taking in the current events around you to inform your next move (pending their agreement with your consciousness)...and then moving, growing, becoming someone new.

Everything you see or do you are doing for the first time...you are not the same now as you were two letters ago, two seconds ago, two years ago. Embrace each new experience as it is because you are you, newer than ever, at this very moment, right now.

Eid-ing and Cleaning

There are times in life where you feel refreshed, renewed, and rejuven-ne-nated! Take full advantage. Times that give sustenance when you thought you had none, advice when you thought you didn't need none, solace when your heart was quivering and unsure what to do. Even deprived times of light and reflection guide you towards knowing that only you have the answer; that you must act to accomplish and make use of voice to proceed.

These are the times.

Pushing forward, celebrating daytime eating (Happy Eid Ya'll)...and at that very same time, looking back to see what progress has shaped the person you are today. Sankofa.

Watching flight from being stopped in traffic, I am in awe of the patterns the winged ones make. So telling of how life reflects nature and nature reflects life and how creation....manifests the magnificent power of The Creator. First, three groups in their own unison, all noting the slightest change in direction and following suit. They are united in direction but still having enough space to spread their wings, still individual, still having the freedom to be in their own beauty. Then, the three groups catch the same flow of wind, mindset, guidance, feeling, inclination, and become one. Soaring...musically, almost, changing directions with the flow of notes played at the keys that have provided the foundation for this naturistic symphony.

Knowing flight is one thing, but witnessing it with open eyes, heart, mind, soul and being present, makes all the difference.

So yeah, now to cleaning house....

Things are as they were. Slight changes but the cusp never moves. However... It Is Time to renew, to sort and rid of the nonuseful. From the bottom up and back down I want answers and/or closure to things buried and packed away. Clarity from boxes and uncovered things, and space in my mind to make room for what is to come.

Has anybody seen my Swiffer?! :)

Stretch Heartstrong

Listening for the beat, I am caught off guard with a message...

A message that brings comfort and makes elasticity strengthened and strong.

There are times in life where things seem to be more than what they really are. Times where things are less than what we want or desire or need to have.

In a month of less, in this month of more, I turn to Divine guidance for comfort and stability. An anchor, if you will, to help me see that what is really real, does not have a place here on earth. The truth is, that what is here, is necessary to reach what is promised. But within that, what kind of promise will you make? Will you honor the covenant designed for us, fashioned for us, waiting for us?

Scatterbrained with hunger, thirst, and yearning, I am working to find a place where I can express eloquently what my emotions are experiencing. A tug of war, a 'to and fro', a gamble, a prize yet to be determined, I am wavering in thought, but not in choice.

Unsure of the reality of tomorrow, of today, of tonight, of the next 10 minutes, I agree to accept what I do and what I choose. I agree to what will be and what will not. I am finding comfort in the Divine Decree. Something I think we all have to constantly struggle to accept and help facilitate.

A time of less of the permissible, and more of the essential, the time has come to once again, make amends with who we are, with who we've become, and with where we want to be when the things of this world can no longer benefit nor harm us...

Don't just stretch until you can no longer snap back, until you can no longer feel because your nerves have twisted and become non respondent to tears, until you have to wrap yourself around something so many times that you do not know where one side of you ends and one side of you begins....

Be Heartstrong. Show the strength to love and give what you have without giving up what you need. Be flexible enough to want more and be more to more people. Be you.

Throwback - Fall 2007

*Rose from my Grandmother's garden

Title: My Former Life...As A Rose

Bismillah (In the name of God)

Curling over the sweet smell, I hurry to embrace the next nose. Many pass by but few really seek the beauty that has been given to me. Folding and molding petals of silkened pearl colored skin, my cheeks are sometimes blush red. I intensify naturally, but the new cloning sensation has stripped me of my scent. Longing for sunshine and rain, I have blossomed into a full mass of curls that are used to decorate and enhance boring scenery. Pressed, I become re-usable on tables to add sweet smells to an empty place. Snipped and cut, I can decorate a man or woman without losing my identity. Dried and hung for memories to linger, I can remind you of when you smiled or when you cried. Falling beautifully on fabric, I enhance the patterns that are cut to form and reproduced for an endless ream of fashion. Mesmorized by the variety of colors I create, from pearl white to cobalt blue, natural and unnatural, cherised and thrown away, adored and hated, sweet smelling and distinct, I carry the burden of flowers, and began the struggle for the spotlight. My tireless beauty becomes weak, as my head droops from dehydration or lack of light and care. The end is inevitable unless firmly planted in rich soil.

CLE - "Going Places"

The slogan to the landing and launch pad of my place of origin and destination has become the current theme in this chapter of Forever Amber.

Two days past my decision, I am beginning to find the bitter sweet of what may take place. Closeness to those who are closer than close, distance from those who are a part of my spiritual upgrade experience... Listening to the quiet to come has relaxed me even in the busiest of streets and the skip stop announcements (missed because the shuffle played my favorite song too loud).

In addition to lately being enveloped within my thoughts, soundtracked by the notes of my favorite iTunes, I sit closer to dreams that have already begun to come true. As my dreams and I converse, the path becomes clearer and the passion more grounded. Reality as we know it is built for our success. The lines of communication are open if we are intent and listening to what is around us.

Living in a way that is bent on living for the goods...is not good. But if you strive for life within its limits and remain true to yourself and your limits, then living becomes bliss where the heart and soul can convene.

Regressing to the topic ahead and behind, I work to prepare myself for the challenges and blessings of home sweet home. Refamiliarizing mind and body to welcome family and writing have become my inspiration for moving forward. The small things heard about via wireless talk will become front and center and within distance to be heard in real time. Patience exponentialized will become priority for now as I prepare to set out on a journey to bring my heart to home.

The Name Game

1: to represent as similar

2 a: to examine the character or qualities of especially in order to discover resemblances or differences
b: to view in relation to

3: to inflect or modify

Definition for 'compare' courtesy of www.merriam-webster.com

To compare is to bring doubt of yourself and of your capabilities. The dissemination of knowledge can get lost in the scenes of double vision. What is and what is hoped to be. The loss of reflection is given flight and the eyes are now consumed with things outside of themselves.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul, but if your eyes are attracted to something you are not, then they eyes become the window that invites pressure and resistance. A rose is no longer a rose, it is something you wish you emulate, to become, to consume as your reality. Petals fall as you age and mature into stages unreconizable. After all, who recognizes a flower sans petals?

We must keep close the things that beautify character, the very things that bring us into congruence from disconnect, the important things that enjoin correct thoughts meeting correct actions.

The positivity within comparison is that which drives us to be unique and self-improvers, self-movers, self-motivators, self-sufficient, self-loving, self-strengthening...being, our-selves.

Be you, compare those very things that bring strength and prove beneficial to growth. Start what moves you and what makes you, what sets you a part and brings you to a higher state of consciousness and clarity, goal setting and accomplishment, awareness and realization.

Just flow...

*Instrumental - Nic's Groove by The Foreign Exchange