Performing On Page...

I don't write rhymes, I write life...The metaphorical pen glides as quickly as I think or rethink my actions.

I bring melody.

Listing descriptions of what inspiration has grown in me.

I think loud.

But, write softly because I cherish the work that is presented in each word. Guarding it with personal ties, I cannot give it life because the ropes are tied too tight.

I survive.

Living past trials and through blessings, I keep finding myself misguided in my own guidance and listening for what is really real.

I bring awareness.

Pages on stage have no meaning until the breath is transformed into hearing. Gazing and moving are not enough. You...must...speak. Speak to what is within you and what is outside, what composes you even when you need to hide. You must speak freely not doubting your worth or skill, but know that easily, you must speak again...still.

I am motionless.

At each of the 17, I pause as told, now knowing that my eyes are on the prize once I continue to make amends with my soul.

I am new.

Each day I find it waiting, nothing is the same. We are pushed to the limits of the mundane and in order to keep it the same, WE have to change. Newness is relative, but I only know what I know and cannot speak in relative terms.

I make no sense.

Trying to provide the rhymes that don't form to sonnet visions, I leave the structure for another day. Writing life is like living it. There is no pattern, no blueprint, sometimes 'no sense' because as we know it sense ain't so common in these days of broke-ness.

I am done.
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R E Satisfaction P E C T

Satisfaction - beginning with the work of words that are defined by majority the first and second you see involve payment used to replace foul acts. Then you are introduced to what we know of it now, fulfillment of a need or want, state of being, a source, a means, of enjoyment. Compensation is to follow, something to replace one's legal obligation. And lastly, 'convinced assurance or certainty.'

Let's unpack this....

The definition of the thing that we want so badly in this life is primarily and secondarily informed by the wrong that one does, and by that person giving something of them self (in this case monetarily), they receive satisfaction. Hmmmm.....you still have to give to get? Yes. You cannot expect sin to disappear into thin air, you have to give and sacrifice in order to feel satisfaction.

Satisfaction is where need is met, following hard work.

After reading some inspirational writings in the blogosphere, I've found that 95% I agree with. Mostly due to my refreshed knowledge of the difference between the Creator and creation.

I press gently to find the solutions to my answers. Much like the quail eggs I cracked last night to make an amazing Afghani recipe that was given to me, I've learned that there are layers to life.

The shell, not so pretty, but protection for what is within. Thin and fragile if provoked, I try to crack it with ease of force. Layers internal that are thin but stronger have held inside, the delicate balance of heart and soul. The shell, lightly blue inside, is seen in beauty in contrast of the outer. Inside....a balance of clarity and sun - the mini version.

Life revolves as the yolk does, floating, protected, not knowing when it will be cracked. Not knowing if heat will reach it, but floating anyway.

There is more to it than this, than we think, than we feel, than we are. There is more to feeling than love and hate. There is contentment. This is what is valued most, what is the prize of this life. The constant listening of what is next, what is near. Not rushing or overanalyzing the hardships, but instead welcoming them.

What would that be like, if you welcomed something that was a hardship? Are you crazy?!? No, that's exactly what makes you sane. Acknowledging your difficulties, making a strategy and plan of action, strengthening your game, praying more, working harder, crying more passionately, living more fully.

Make satisfaction count, feel it when you're not even satisfied....
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Monday...come on in

As I sit in front of my 12" screen, I am filled with the sweetness of meal's end. I've identified next steps in plotting for plan B. Becoming a listener, I watch for the signs of nature to bring me nearer to what matters most. Is it my location or my status or my profession or my passion that drive my intentions.

Taking time to come into the solace of home, I hear the darkness that calls me into the living room. The dimness effects my mood and I am inclined to turn on every light...but that would be disruptive. I must then turn to the outside hour change to give me what I need.

Something to call my own, I test and taste new recipes and search for more that will compose the multiculturalism that I feel inside. That is not understood my majority. That is overlooked by minor details. That is used as a misconception when insensitivity is placed in front of open mindedness.

Within 6 of these I have to choose to stay or go. Heavy on the heart is the decision to work with what I am given or push to the limit for what I want. Inching towards the choices presented, I will choose what has been written all along.

Prepare for the beginning or end of my journey...
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Throwback - Spring 2006

Title: Sha’r ~ Ism (Hair-ism)

*Beauty has become the unconscious voice of America.

*I have silenced it.

*My thoughts have become loud and with the aid of scissors, and now heard by you.

*I chose the choice to cut the conscious effort of societal chains…

*I have made a difference.

*The lengthy security blanket of confidence is what I wore.

*Long enough to entice, and just too much to ignore.

*Naturally curling on fingertips or straightening its ways when told…

*I was in love.

*This love embraced womanhood and I briefly became un-feminine by my actions.

*As far as I’ve learned, femininity is not womanhood, and beauty is NOT at surface level.

*I have tried to realize that conformity is not an option for me.

*Accessories out of the norm have adorned and clothed me in past years, but I have now realized that I have become naked with confidence.

*Releasing layers of uncertainty and levels of insecurity, I have become the woman I have always wanted to be.

*Living for me and knowing how to free myself from societal chains.

*I have rearranged my view to see as others cannot, and view what others will not…

*I have found courage.

*Leading on leaflets and overpriced opinions I made my gauged coordinates for the perfect shot at freedom.

*But I was wrong.

*I sat and waited as my previous personality was shifted and scripted to become something new.

*My ideas were restructured, and the bulls’ eye was closer than I had imagined.

*I chose to finally let go of the arrow I kept so long, and make wavelengths in a revolution that I fought on my own.

*My eyes were more brown and beautiful after the battle, and I found myself more deserving and ambitious.

*I let my inhibitions and insecurities be swept away with the morning trash to never see them again.

*I was finally free.

*My shelter was no longer there, and I was then gently placed outside of that box I had previously been kept.

*Choosing a choice that is character changing, mind-blowing, question provoking, inspiring, and dangerous at times is difficult…

*But I did it.

*Leaving behind what was holding me back has proven to be the best thing yet.

*Letting this weight drift away was something I saw but didn’t expect.

*But it was respect that I received when asked to explain what that war meant to me.

*Making this visual statement of unseen security has left me forever changed and challenged to become who I wanna be.

*Its amazing that this premeditated and conquered war kicked up such a fuss, when all of this began with one..simple…haircut.
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A Simple Grocery List

I've done this before, but somehow this time its different. The basics are usually eggs and milk, sometimes bread for the freezer. There is always so much to choose from, that its best you don't go when you are hungry and uncontrollable. You should go when you have been satiated from what is divinely presented before you.

...So, I made my list, checked it (I won't say how many) times, and am ready to depart. No one told me I'd have to carry my groceries when I moved to NY. So I got a cart to help. I get there and am excited by the presentation of things. The finely pyramid-like oranges and apples, the garlic thrown in a small basket, surrounded by fallen coverings, and the cilantro, dew covered, from a recent mist of water.

Now the question at hand. Do I grab whatever I'm in the mood for? Do I just plan for my evening meal or do I select things that will last...rice, pasta, oatmeal, sugar, flour? I can always get fresh fruits and veggies each week.

What about ice cream? You gotta have ice cream! :) I'll try a pint this time, don't want to over indulge...

Relationships are just like this. It takes time and meditation to find what you need. Do you want to make a meal or do you want to save for the future? What are healthy choices? Should you listen to what others say in your immediate circles or media outlets? Who makes the decisions, who makes the list, who does the shopping, and are you paying with cash or credit...?

Maybe you'll just buy lunch until you are ready to cook a wholesome meal, or maybe you'll order and have it delivered, that is, if you get the contact information right.

Whatever the case, savor each moment of eating (married) or shopping (single), and realize that the benefits are secrets within each and that you deserve what you decide...so check your list carefully and don't rush into line, you just might forget something you need the most.
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Smiling Frustration...

LOL...Can't believe I'm taking this as a vision of what it is really like. Flying with wings detached from earth and soaring through endless skies, I determine what is really real and what is really wrong. I keep 'lol-ing' because 'this can't be life, this, can't be love' still has remnants in the recesses of my mind. Keeping with the flow of the moment, Teedra says what she feels and how simple it is to sing it, or write it, or pray it, right?

Making lists of what fits and what doesn't, doesn't cut it. There is no 'blueprint' no way to properly disguise feelings into nonexistence. Reflections of me in the mirror bring questions of how feelings are portrayed in space, in time, in life. Listening to the faces of others, I soothe the weak and heal the sick in my chatty ways. Residing within the time frame allotted, I realize the difference between the living and the dead. The limited time that is wasted on wondering and pondering on things so superficially - superfluous. Really. I mean c'mon, how can you justify the love of something that will perish over something that WILL NEVER CEASE TO EXIST AND HAS BEEN HERE BEFORE THERE WAS EVER A SINGLE CREATION. ...read that last line again....ok one more time...do you understand it!!! ...wow.

Tears reach the cold face of the woman who feels the weight of love calling her to submission. She contemplates what will bring healing, and realizes it is the one thing that hurts her. It is love. How can we bring this to fruition? Must we wait and Wait and WAIT...! Oh, hell naw. Why should we have to?

As a person told me once before....'how will what you say change what God has willed to be?' So there, I said it. Won't you...?

Twittering, Facebooking, GChatting, Coversing, Blogging, Tagging, Liking, Commenting, Poking, BRB-ing, LOL-ing, DOT DOT DOT-ing, Waiting, Living, Loving, Feeling, Typing, Watching, Waiting some more..., acknowledging what we know and what we wanna know through what we think we know and what others tell us we should know, rambling and writing like this flow right here brings solace and brings the reader to know that your, yes yours, yes you - your feelings are justified. Your feelings are important. You are worth it. You deserve it. It will come when it is written to come. You will find happiness. You will.

A wise man said to me, 'just like every piece of furniture is in this apartment, its supposed to be here. Just like your life, everything that is supposed to be there will get there.' So quit lookin at the puzzle and just start putting the pieces together!

Believe it. Live it. Take it when it comes. Quit wastin' ya dang on time.

...check 'Complex Simplicity' by Teedra Moses
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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a feeling?!?! ...what!

Yeah, so fuzzy wuzzy was NOT a bear first. It developed from this:

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?

To this:

This feeling of love has become an animal that is larger than I expected. It traveled to me loudly through pictures and films, but is now becoming closer in view. I know what it looks like, but I am afraid to get up close. It bites, you know? You have to be careful of things if you are unfamiliar with the reality of them, the unreality of them, and the realness that can inhibit you from thinking straight or seeing or hearing straight.

But then you see that up close this said 'monster' is a gentle thing, full of hopes for tomorrow and affections you adore. Noticing the love that everyone talks about in your own life can give you peace, or confusion or distraughtness....you decide. It is meant to bring better understanding of the greater love that we receive through provision and breath and becoming alive.

It is up to you to decide if fuzzy wuzzy the feeling was indeed a bear, was he?
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Quit Wasting Your Time

We waste time worrying about where we're jumping instead of preparing ourselves for the fall. The falling takes no effort, the jump does.
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Sharing is....

Caring for those that you hold dear is the exemplification of the art of love. Listening and talking and writing and typing and chatting towards truth and understanding are necessary to the journey of healing. Blogging past what has been and become of you, only to write and read and revise what has became you who you are is the way. Working through the trenches and viewing the ugly mud of emotional baggage makes you heavy...keep going.

Inviting life into love is the way. You cannot love until you live. Microemotional stresses bring Macroaggressional results. Be wary of what you let affect your state. Take glory in protecting your happiness and share it as soon as you feel it. Spreading the love like Land O' Lakes is layering sweetness with cream and salt. The sweetness of faith is always there, the cream like a constant you that is softened with patience, and the salt that is sometimes there, sometimes not, most like the trials of life - they too will pass.

Letting raindrops carry emotions through the air on a two way street, take time to gaze at the wonders of the world. Each little thing that we overlook is viewing us as superior. Missing the importance of what makes the world work and the provisions we are GIVEN and that we sometimes destroy, is in need of reassessment.

You have to give to get these days, but we should practice a state of giving with no expectations of return. Genuinely taking should inspire genuine giving that brings smiles and laughter to the ones we know and know not.

Smiles are free...so why do we constantly use more muscles to frown at the world? We take our trials on the defensive instead of being welcoming...Welcome your trials with an active preparation to be changed for the better. Develop a plan of action, send a smile, give someone your heart, send a donation, send a letter, send a text, an email a good thought....send love.
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Inspiration

Things have crossed my mind attempting to penetrate my thoughts. I tried to reconnect with them, but I became busy and too important.

In taking time and listening to what others say and don't say, do and fail to do, I try to find the spaces inbetween and look for solace and peace.

Intertwining the mind with space and life, I cling to what astonishes me. The things that drive my day to day operations have become distinct and filled with a desire to record everything. A desire to communicate everything to this world and give meaning to the things that are incapable to be explained.

Quietly I bring write to life and recast the characters into a rerun that I hope to use as a acknowledgment of reality.

I type.

Writing is more than just a moment, it is a choice. It is a time to reflect on life and publish it to the masses. A choice to give life to what others believe is myth. A choice to write the right words in the right space for the right time in the right mind - set.

I learn...

Impressing me and others, I read the work of those who have come before me and stare in awe at the pages. Learning from forms of writing to places of reference, I have begun to see the skill it takes and the skill that lacks that makes a poet, that makes an artist, that makes one - make prose.

The prose that begins and ends with pause. That is intertwined and unable to be disconnected with feeling, they type that brings solace to grief, and increase in love. The kind that slices silence and brings awareness. The seal of wax stamped on a scarlet letter "A" to be exact. The way that brings the "sham" to "wow", absorbing more than you think it can, and releasing more than you think it will...

...wow.
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